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Every fan down in fanville liked napster a lot,

But Lars of Metallica most certainly did not!  

Lars hated Napster and the entire internet.

It could’ve been perhaps that his wallet was too tight,

Or maybe he though that it just wasnt right.

But I think the most likely reason of all

May have been that his brain was 2 sizes too small. 

But whatever the reason be it right or be it wrong

He hated his fans for downloading his songs.  

Staring down from capitol hill with a sour grinch frown,

He single handedly tried to shut napster down.

‘Cuz he knew that his fans, not paying any fees

could get their hands on his music as free mp3’s  

 
“They’re stealing my music!” he snarled with a sneer,

“Im only pulling down 27 million a year!”

Then he growled with is grinch fingers nervously strumming,

“If this doesn’t stop, Im giving up drumming!”  

 
For Lars, he knew, that  the fans he milked for years

Would not buy the cd’s that paid for his beers.  

Fans of fanville, young, middle aged or old

Could sit and download For Whom The Bell Tolls,

Or maybe Master Of Puppets, or The Thing That Should Not Be

Or maybe a live show they couldn’t afford to see.  
 

 
And then they’d do something he liked least of all

They’d just stay at home and not hit the malls.

To the brink of insanity Lars had been driven.

As for his fans he dubbed them all unforgiven. 

So he packed up his stuff and then quit the band,

Got his buddy James to give him a hand.

They stuck together and opened a bar up down south

Both agreed liquor and chicks is what lifes about.  

 
But then something happened on one crazy night

That left Lars feeling not that quite right.  
 

 
A local band came down and hopped on the stage,

No lazers, no pyro, no girls in no cage.  

That’s a noise said Lars, I simply must hear

So he paused and Lars put his hand to his ear. 

And he did hear a sound rising over the crowd

It started in low then had become quite loud.

He stared at the mob and Lars popped his eyes.

Then he was moved, what a shocking surprise.

They jammed all night long and into the day,

They didn’t care about money they just wanted to play.

The fans in a rage, the band looked so proud.

People were moshing and surfing the crowd.  

And what happened next, well on the internet they say

That Lar’s brain grew 3 sizes that day

Lars remebered something he knew once before,

Long before groupies, long before tours,

Music he thought doesn’t come from a store,

In fact, he realized it means so much more.  

Music is for the people and the fans he once sued,

Whether it’s the nice ones who cheered or the mean ones who booed.

Without his fans he realized that he would be nothing,

Then his eyes filled with tears, it was really quite touching.  

   
Then Lars jumped on stage and addressed the loud fans.

Said he was sorry about Napster and all of the bans.

The crowd cheered and quickly forgave the little tike,

Lars hopped on the drums, James picked up the mic. 

They played until dawn, and closed up shop around noon,

Then headed back for Metallica, banging their heads to some downloaded tunes.  

Poem And Artwork By Jesse Wroblewski

 
Happy Holidays Everybody (you too Lars!)

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